Venting. . .

Well, after the year I've had on the PTO at my son's elementary school and knowing that the commitment I've made will be keeping me around next school year - I feel exhausted. I've had plenty of time to recuperate from Family Fun Night but everytime I think about PTO related 'stuff' I begin to feel irritated. Angry. Stressed. This is not what volunteering should be like. IF I could step down - I would. IF there were a plethera of volunteers who would be willing to take my place - I wouldn't care who I pissed off or let down (except my kid) - I'd do it, I'd step down. But, there is no one who'd be willing to step up - considering the only gal contemplating being next year's vp is on the fence and shows real reluctance. Unfortunately, I think she'll step up for the same reason I did: There's no one else and I don't want to let others down. By others - I mean the kids. I, personally, have already begun to let parents down. I have a hard time finding nice things to say about being a part of the PTO. I love it - but I hate what it's become: a demand. Worse than a job. And I don't even get paid for it. And, that is why I say it's unfortunate this gal may step up. I hate the idea that someone else will face the feelings I have. But, then again, maybe I'm just not cut out for this kind of work - leadership. Not everyone is meant to fill that role and I don't feel bad about it. I prefer being laid back and comfortable as oppposed to chasing a dream and living up to expectations whether they are mine or those of others. Maybe there was a time when I was that person. But, it has ocurred to me more and more lately, that being PTO president isn't as important as helping in the classroom. My child doesn't know about the meetings and behind the scenes planning that benefits him in the long run. But, when I have to leave him home with his brothers so I can attend a meeting - that has begun to bug me. But, worse is when I answer emails or work on flyers, or an amazing slideshow, or anything PTO related that causes me to say, "Not now. Maybe later." Then, it's too late and I've not spent that time with him that he wanted with me.

So, tell me - why don't I just say 'screw it' and step down? ???? Why is it so hard not to put my kids first and go back to being the parent that helps where it matters (to my kids)? Tyler wanted me to be the book club parent for his 6th grade house earlier this year. I said, 'maybe next year.' Why? Because I was tangled up with Family Fun Night.

Here's the truth: I want to quit. If a parent comes to me and says they want to have my job - I'll gladly give it to them. I want PTO stuff out of my house. Truthfully, I feel the PTO ruining the 1st and 2nd grade years I have with my last child. I'll never get these times back. This is it - the last chance I have.

. . . What do I do?